I always feel like a freak because I’m never able to move on like… this, you know? People just have an affair, or even entire relationships. They break up and they forget. They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals. I feel I was never able to forget anyone I’ve been with. Because each person had their own … specific qualities. You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never fully recover. That’s why I’m very careful with getting involved, because it hurts too much. Even getting laid… I actually don’t do that… I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like I’m obsessed with little things. Maybe I’m crazy but when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late for school. One day she followed me to see why. I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees rolling on the sidewalk, or ants crossing the road, the way a leaf cast a shadow on a tree trunk… little things. I think it’s the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each of them, that move me, and that I miss, and… will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful specific details. Like I remember the way… your beard has a bit of red in it. And how the sun was making it glow… that morning, right before you left. I remember that, and I missed it. I’m really crazy, right?
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Little things (kill)
K. reminded me of this quote from Before Sunset: